Violence against women and girls

Coercive control is an intentional pattern of behaviour that occurs on two or more occasions, or which takes place over time, for one individual to exert power, control or coercion over another.

Behaviour traits to watch out for include:

• isolating the victim – by not allowing them to visit friends and family or restricting access to a phone or computer
• jealous or possessive behaviour – for example, frequent phone calls to check where you are and what you are doing, or checking activity on your phone or social networking accounts
• blaming the victim for everything – they play the victim and deny any wrongdoing, often lying to take no responsibility for the situation they find themselves in
• dictating what the victim does – for example, with hair, clothes or movements
• manipulating the police – for example, scene-setting or getting into character before we arrive to reinforce the victim’s fear that they may not be believed

Honour-based abuse is a crime or incident committed to protect or defend a family or community’s perceived ‘honour’.

For example, your family or community may punish you for breaking their ‘honour code’ if they think you brought shame or embarrassment on them by behaving a certain way.

Signs of honour-based abuse include:

• acting withdrawn or upset
• isolation from friends and family
• bruising or other unexplained physical injury
• depression, self-harming or attempted suicide
• unexplained absence or poor performance at school or work
• strictly controlled movements at home
• family rows or threats
• domestic violence
• running away from home
• a family history of relatives going missing

Incels are a sub-culture community of men who describe themselves as “involuntarily celibate”, often fuelled by rejection or negative encounters with women.

This ideology is posted online in forums and on social media platforms, where the overall themes of failure and frustration – along with anger and hate – are common.

Incel males go to message boards out of loneliness only to find a group of angry men who believe that sex, love and happiness are out of their reach, available only to others.

On social media, they can find harmful role models like ‘manosphere influencers’ who may discuss the incel movement and pedal extreme views of misogyny and violence.

Signs where support may be needed

Teaching males about consent and respect for females does not just apply to men, it involves educating young boys as well.

Key principles

• It is not solely about sex – the concept of consent applies to all relationships and interactions, including friendships and online interactions, to show respect and boundaries are universal.
• Foster emotional literacy – help males identify and articulate their own emotions, and understand and respect the emotions of others. This includes teaching them how to handle rejection gracefully.
• Men can lead by example – by demonstrating equal partnership in chores and household responsibilities. Many children learn more from what they see, rather than what they are told.
• Challenge sexism – call out sexist jokes, comments, and behaviours, no matter how small, to show that they are not acceptable.
• Create an environment where males can ask questions and discuss consent openly without shame. This is crucial to counter misinformation they may get online.

Upstanders are people who actively intervene when they see injustice, bullying, or discrimination, rather than passively watching it take place.

For more information – including intervention training for people working in night-time businesses – visit our Be an upstander, not a bystander page.